Birthday Angst

July 7, 2018

It’s official, I’ve entered “high risk pregnancy” age 😭. Thirty six years old today and to be honest, it is quite chilling how fast the years start flying. I feel like I’m entering the best years of my life, (Thx to God, sobriety, and mental clarity), which makes me panic and want to hold on tighter to each passing moment. It seems the better life gets the faster it goes. A gnawing reminder of the impermanence of life itself. While attempting to defy life’s transience by capturing it with our iPhones, we simultaneously mourn the passing of it; moments become memories almost immediately. No matter how hard we try, we are incapable of keeping the present from becoming the past. Life is so painfully beautiful, moments of ecstatic joy are fleeting. I want to hold on tight to my loved ones and never let them go! I get caught in the monkey mind of future anxiety and melancholy for the past and sometimes completely miss the NOW. BUT IM HERE DAMMIT, PRESENT, IN THE ETERNAL NOW, AND IM GOING TO TRY MY BEST TO STAY RT HERE! AGING IS EVOLVING! PHYSICALLY IT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BECAUSE WE ARE NOT OUR BODIES AND TIME & SPACE ARE AN ILLUSION THAT ONLY EXISTS IN A REALM THAT IS NOT ULTIMATE REALITY! “WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS HAVING A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE, WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS HAVING A HUMAN EXPERIENCE.” Ok I’ll sit down now. I love you!🎈

“The only people for me are the MAD ones, the ones who are mad to LIVE, mad to TALK, mad to be SAVED, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn burn burn like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding across the stars.” - Jack Kerouac

 

 

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